Infertility is
A void
An incompleteness
A feeling of failure
An incomplete family
Tears, so many tears
Living your life in two week increments
Buying the house with an extra bedroom, just in case
Peeing in cups and on sticks. So much pee. So many sticks
Squinting for that line. There’s never a line.
Doctors. Medical tests. Medical bills. Insurance fights.
Hoping that pimple is because of pregnancy hormones
Praying that your hormones are a mess because you’re pregnant – and not because you’re about to get your period
Being thrilled when your friends and family are pregnant; but crumbling inside
Pills and shots, sometimes. A lot of times
Being sad. So sad. Even though what you really have is so much love that is saved up for a little human.
“Does your son want a sibling?”
“When are you going to start your family?”
Redefining your understanding of family
Feeling bad that you want more than what you have
If you have a child, not wanting them to think they aren’t enough. They are. But, you have this love to give
Saving nursery ideas, just in case
That glass or two or three of wine after a negative test
So many negative tests
Wondering if your dreams have an expiration date
Names that go unused
Hand me downs that never get handed down
Why is this silent?
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